My wife and I got married just before we both turned 29. We went to a lot of weddings around that time.
Then, a few years later, we started getting the bad news: So-and-so was getting a divorce. Then, another couple was getting a divorce. Then another.
Some of them got divorced so fast that I think they should give back my wedding gift.
All of these couples had small children. And only one involved cheating, which is the only time the Bible lets Christians get a divorce.
I see why Jesus is heartbroken when his followers decide to get divorced. It’s a violation of his command. Black Americans have the highest divorce rate compared to other groups. So that means more of our children are growing up in broken homes. Yet, most Black folks say they are Christian.
This is the main problem: Black Christians are biblically illiterate
We’re not equipped to be married, because we are not students of his Word.
This is like getting on the field without reading the playbook. Now, you’re shooting layups when you should be going for a touchdown.
This is like going to war with no weapons. You’ve got the army fatigue on and the combat boots, but no gun. You haven’t even been to the gym.
Scriptures About Divorce
Matthew 19:1-11
19 Now it came to pass, when Jesus had finished these sayings, that He departed from Galilee and came to the region of Judea beyond the Jordan. 2 And great multitudes followed Him, and He healed them there.
3 The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?”
4 And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who [a]made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”
7 They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?”
8 He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. 9 And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for [b]sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.”
10 His disciples said to Him, “If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry.”
11 But He said to them, “All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given:
Luke 16:18
18 “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced from her husband commits adultery.
Malachi 2:16
16 “For the Lord God of Israel says
That He hates divorce,
For it covers one’s garment with violence,”
Says the Lord of hosts.
“Therefore take heed to your spirit,
That you do not deal treacherously.”
Genesis 2:24 (especially the one flesh part)
24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be[a] joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
2 Timothy 3:16 (in case you think this is judgemental)
16 All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for [a]instruction in righteousness,
So, we take our cues from the world.
We make bad decisions about who to marry, because we don’t get our checklist from scripture. So the union is already weak on the wedding day.
We consult unqualified talking heads like Beyonce and Kevin Samuels before we consult the Word and trusted elders. When we do consult the Word, we think it’s too hard.
When problems come up, we fight with weapons from the world. The world is about self, not the tribe. The world is about doing you and “being happy,” not about sacrifice, long-suffering, and fixing your problems.
So we take liberty to do something else and say “God’ll forgive me. Grace. Grace. Grace.”
Grace is the next life does not mean you’ll avoid punishment in this life. The children will suffer long-term, too.
It also sets off a pattern with our children that trains them to destroy their families, too.
This pattern has been the case among Black families since the 1920s, when the sociologist E Franklin Frazier noticed that people creating broken homes came from broken homes.
Here are three videos that talk generally about Biblical illiteracy. The first two, from Allen Parr and Lisa Fields talk about how urgent the problem is.
The last one is from TruthUnedited, giving guidance on how to read the scripture.
The Word of God should be our GPS in our marriage and in all areas of life.
With all of the attacks on family, if you’re not a student of the Word and discipling your wife and children, you’re leading your family to destruction, potentially for the next several generations.
Take Home Messages & Reflection Questions
If you are a married adult and you have never read the Bible cover-to-cover, please share what your biggest challenge has been?
3 responses to “The Real Reason Black Christians Get Divorced — Allen Parr, Lisa Fields, Truth Unedited”
My biggest challenge is lack of enjoyment and not making enough time. Also the lack of guidance and mentor support.
Hey Franklin,
Thanks for sharing. The Most High Himself encourages a man to cleave to his wife (Mark 10:8-10). This is confirmed throughout the scriptures as noted by 1 Peter 3:7 Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.It goes both ways, the wife is to be her husbands peace as noted in Proverbs 31. This ministry walks with couples to teach Yah’s standards on marriage. There is much to enjoy in marriage when we detox from how the world tells us to go about marriage. I want you to subscribe to our newsletter, Franklin. I will keep you updated when we offer marriage counseling and mentorship.
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